I’m alive: Blog entry 2

“Her life is perfect, I’m so jealous.”

Hello readers! Jazmin here writing to you live from my bed in my studio apartment. If you don’t know me, I am a 22 year old girl living in Los Angeles. I am currently sitting criss cross applesauce, with a glass of Malbec in between my two feet. Nala is sitting in her little gray bed curled up in one of my bedtime t-shirts and Brandon is sitting on the couch near me dissecting a script. Hope you’ve got some popcorn in your hands because I am about to give you a little slice of reality. *SPOIL ALERT* If you want to keep the fantasy in your mind that I live a perfect life in the city of dreams- read no further.

Here’s the truth. The truth is last August we moved out here from Orlando, Florida. I sold everything I had and left behind my family and friends to explore the unknown, chase my dreams and create a life with the person I love. I packed my car with everything I could fit into it, sold what I couldn’t fit and shipped my car to LA. We arrived in Los Angeles and stayed at my best guy friend Ron’s place while he was on tour because our apartment wasn’t ready for 10 days (thank God for him, love you man). Brandon was filming two days later and I wandered LA alone for a few days. That’s when it hit me… we moved to Los Angeles.

When we finally moved into our apartment we lived on an air mattress for a month and barely slept. We slowly furnished our apartment with the essentials and by September I finally found a job serving at a restaurant in Wilshire. Where I’ve been up until a week ago.

You see, I have big dreams. I’m too passionate for my own good. I love life. I love love. I’m creative, I love to write, I love to act and inspire, I love God and I simply cannot be stifled. So I took the plunge and decided to change my path. I was coming home depressed every day and miserable because my job expected from me what most jobs would- to be my first priority. I spent all day in traffic and would sometimes drive an hour there and back for a whopping $40 bucks. When you feel like you have all of this potential inside of you, when you feel like you have so much to offer others and it’s not being recognized or valued… you start to feel worthless. When my grades dropped and I no longer found random reasons to smile, I knew I had to do something different. So, a week ago I quit my job and promised myself to never serve again.

I am not sure what is going to happen next but I do know it will all work out. I am happily pursuing acting, I’m in summer classes continuing to finish my bachelors and excited, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a loving support system and I’m alive. I have more than many do and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I would’ve never taken the plunge to search for something better if I didn’t know the value of life so deep in my soul. The reason I know that value, the reason I know the value of happiness and time is because I’ve experienced great loss.

November 23rd, 2014 I lost my best-friend of 10 years to an accidental overdose but she deserves her own story. So this ends this blog.

Signing off

Jaz.

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13 thoughts on “I’m alive: Blog entry 2

  1. I love you more than you know and I loved this more than ever. Just what I needed ❤

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  2. Saakshi Salgaonker June 1, 2017 — 5:11 am

    Hey Jazmin! 23rd November is my birthday and I feel really sad. Your blogs are really really deep and touching. I love you loads. Sending loads and loads of love and happiness to you ❤ Saakshi from India.

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  3. You have time to figure it out! Don’t get stressed by it. Do what you love and your passions will show themselves over time. Love Jaz

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  4. i don’t know what path i wanna go down in my future. i have ideas to be a writer, photographer, film student, singer, actress, model, doctor at a childrens hospital and much more. i don’t know what i wanna do with my life. but maybe, if i follow your journey with your blog and all your other social medias i’ll get a sense of what i wanna do. but, i’m still young and i have time. you and brandon inspire me, so thank you guys for that. with both of you guys’ passion in wht you guys do and how kinda you two are, i just want to be like you guys. (and nala is my spirit animal.) so yeah, just thought you should know that.xx

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  5. Hey I’m still jealous of you, in a good way, because not everyone has the courage to make such bold moves, pursue their dreams and work hard for something they believe in. I haven’t known you much long, but one thing that is evident is your hope; honey that’ll take you places. You are so kind and love just radiates off you and that is just beautiful. Hold tight, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Good luck in all that comes your way. You’ll get through.

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  6. “When you feel like you have all of this potential inside of you, when you feel like you have so much to offer others and it’s not being recognized or valued… you start to feel worthless.”
    This hit me hard. You’ve put words on what I’ve been feeling for quite some time now and couldn’t explain. I feel like I’m in a constant stagnancy, like I’m not living my life properly. I’m here struggling with my studies, failing things I’ve been working hard for and shushing down my dreams while I see people around me getting proper jobs, experiencing new things and just, you know, getting on with their lives. I know that at some point my time will come but right now I’m feeling quite worthless and useless really. Anyway, I really enjoyed your blog so far and I’m looking forward to new posts.
    Wish you all the best and may God bless you and your loved ones.
    Love from France. Xx 😄

    PS: by the way, sorry if there’s any mistakes.

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    1. DON’T GIVE UP. Success lies right beyond failure. This will make you stronger. Switch it up and don’t be afraid. Love Jaz

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  7. Love you so much jazmin! I want you to know that nobody’s life is perfect but you make mine better 🙂

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  8. This is amazing and inspiring. I will defiantly make sure to continue to read your blog. My name is Ashley, I’m from South Carolina and want to move to LA to persue acting when I’m finishing with school, but I’m scared. You and Brandon have for sure inspired me. I know your life isn’t perfect, neither is mine or anyone else. And it’s an amazing thing that you love God, I love him to. Just remember that no matter what happens, that God has a plan and I know that he has his best interest for all of his children. And I’m so sorry for your loss, earlier this year I actually lost my childhood best friend. Thank you for writing this blog, you sure have inspired me.

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  9. Again, thank you💕

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  10. I’m glad you’re alive. I don’t know what I’d do without you and Brandon, honestly. You two are one of many reasons why I wake up and smile. And I’m glad I’m in for a ride: your story. ❤continue to smile because there are people out there who are smiling for you.

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  11. Probably your right about your life not being perfect but, trust me, i would do anything to only move from my country. Not because I don’t like it (i love it, really), just for the fact that I want to experience new things. But my parents won’t let me do it even if i’m over 18. I know about you because I’m Brandon’s fan, but once I started following you I became a fan of you to. I believe in you guys, I know you can do everything you want to.

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    1. Krystal, thank you so much. Do not lose hope. Chase what makes you happy.

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