Before it’s too late: Blog entry 6

Sometimes I like to write stories and screenplays in my free time. So I decided to switch it up and let you guys read one. Enjoy!

 

You find the love of your life and it’s all peachy and great and then it’s not. That’s when the real test plays out. A few years ago I bought my wife and I a 2 million dollar home after we got married. We loved that damn house. We were so happy when that moment finally happened. Trust me, it was a long road. Moving out from our parents homes, moving states, moving into a tiny apartment, going broke… We grew together, we built our empire. I remember looking at her in the driveway. She was holding the keys with such a look of awe on her face. I said to her, “baby we made it.” She never really got excited about fancy things. She was all “be grateful” this, and “we don’t need that.” But our home was a different story. She always said “this is where we will spend the most time and raise our little family, we are investing in our future.” So naturally, I bought us a 2- million- dollar home, exactly the way my woman wanted it. She’s not easy. She wanted marble counter tops with all curved corners for our future children we didn’t have, perfect lighting in every room, a wine cellar because she loved her wine, walnut brown hardwood floors, one brick wall, a fire place, white, lots of white, modern but traditional, open but cozy, just listen to me when I say she’s a picky woman.

We got settled, and we started a family a year later. We weren’t trying to have a baby but we weren’t not trying to have a baby, you know? We had been together five years and we had the means to do so. Alright, alright I was ecstatic to be a dad. My wife was a working woman. A business woman.  She had to work and contribute or she would go crazy. She had her own business and took off often to come visit me when I had to travel which was well, always. I’m in the entertainment industry. I’m also a business man. I work a lot; I guess that’s where I messed up. I got caught up. I stopped telling her to come visit me. At first, it was what’s the point I’ll only be gone a few days, then it was it’s only a few weeks, then it was it’s only a month or two. I lost sight of her. It was fun you know? The people I was around were cool as hell and we were all doing things, we were all making moves and I just got caught up. Women threw themselves at me, I was powerful. People loved me.

I cheated on my wife. Multiple times. It got easier because I purposely distanced myself from her so I didn’t feel so bad. When I got home, she wouldn’t ask me but she would look at me and I would see that her heart was breaking more each time but I couldn’t help myself. I was working and it just happened so fast. I stopped sleeping with her because I couldn’t be that much of a monster. She cried herself to sleep silently, sometimes praying and at the time I rolled my eyes. I don’t know what happened to me. I didn’t lie to my wife but she didn’t ask me, I think she was afraid. I had rejected her so much already. She planned dates and something would come up, then I forgot our damn anniversary and her birthday. Any free time I had I put into my sons but I just forgot about her, she was a lot to handle but that’s why I loved her and I forgot that too. I should’ve fought for her.. for our love. She fought for me for a while and then she stopped. She nit-picked at everything, she was constantly trying to make me make time, getting onto me about my order of priorities, telling me she missed me and she annoyed me so damn much. One day she just stopped. I thought it was a blessing but little did I know it was because she gave up.

So one year ago, I walked into my house, we were 8 years into this mess. Our once beautiful life became such a disaster and it was my fault. She was putting our sons to bed. I watched from the doorway as she knelt by their beds and made them repeat after her in prayer. She kissed their foreheads but they saw me and screamed “DADDY!” and jumped right out of bed. So I hugged them and tucked them in with her. She wouldn’t look at me but smiled at the kids reactions. That’s when I thought to myself she’s a wonderful mom, had I told her that lately? She looked hot, damn my wife was beautiful. How long had it been since I’ve kissed her? Months. It had been months. We closed the door and she walked to our bedroom in her robe, her makeup was perfect and her hair in a clip. Had she been working out? She looked great. I remember she said “I hope work went well. The kids and I tried facetiming you last week. I guess you were really busy” It had been a week since we spoke? What the fuck was I doing? I don’t remember. “Yeah I had a show and and interview to attend, sorry I didn’t keep in contact with you babe.” “Babe? Since when do you call me babe Jason? Anyways, I have to go to this thing, since you’re home I won’t call the babysitter over. The kids are already put to sleep but you can wake them up and spend some time with them. They miss you.” “Wait what thing?” “Um, my friends opening of her new bar. Why?” “Well why don’t I come with you?” She was changing into a beautiful black backless ankle dress with nude heels and she looked stunning. She pulled her brown hair out of the clip, it fell onto her shoulders in loose waves and she looked at me with her big brown eyes and said “since when do you want to do anything with me anymore? I’ll see you later. I’m glad work went well, take care of our children, if you need anything text me.” And she walked out. I actually saw my wife that night instead of just passing her by and realized what I did and it was too late. I didn’t do my job as a husband. I tried to text her and tell her to come home so we could talk and that I was sorry for everything. I wanted to make things right. No response.

I didn’t sleep that night and she came in at three am drenched from running inside out of the rain, reeking of alcohol, turned on the light and just cried. She cried and cried and cried and for the first time in 8 years said “I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want us anymore. I don’t love you anymore, I’m miserable. Please let me go, please Jason let me go so I can have another chance at love. Please give someone a chance to love me. I met someone tonight, I haven’t felt the way I felt in so long and I want that again. You don’t need me anymore; I want someone who needs me. I’m sorry.” Holy shit, I’m too late. Time escaped me. It felt like all of the walls were closing in and wait no she’s not leaving. Who the fuck was this guy anyways. “Baby no, come here, I’m sorry. I am here now, I messed up, let’s talk about this.” I tried to grab her and hold her but she pushed me and her eyes got dark. “Don’t touch me Jason, you haven’t kissed or touched me in four months. The last time you kissed me you were drunk. Don’t you fucking touch me.” It was the worst argument of my entire life. The truth came out. All of the truths. I don’t even know how we got there. How I got there. It was too late. The next week I moved into an apartment. She let me see the kids whenever I wanted to, but I missed her. I took off of work, tried everything. She stopped talking to me. Only answered my calls and texts if it related to the kids. I sent her flowers once a week on Tuesday for an entire year. The note always said “I don’t deserve a second chance but if you’re willing to give me one, I’ll meet you at the first coffee shop we went to when we moved here at noon.

Now here we are, I’m writing this. It’s been exactly 55 Sundays. She’s never shown up. Do me a favor, don’t mess up, don’t lose sight of what’s important, before it’s too late. Or you’ll be me, looking up and watching people pass by a coffee shop for over a year hoping it’s your wife. It’s time I forgive myself and move on. I get that. So I am going to close this journal and save it for my sons one day. When they are older I want to teach them to be better than their dad. On a final note, a woman hasn’t caught my eye in over a year and there is one waiting for her coffee with a Nike cap, and an ESPN magazine and maybe she’s my second chance.

Holy shit.

Wait.

That’s my wife.

 

Categories Uncategorized

12 thoughts on “Before it’s too late: Blog entry 6

  1. Wow!! That gave me the chills Jazzy. You are an amazing writer.. I’m so glad you found the love for that too.. its crazy how you are giving me glimpses to what my life could’ve been if I hadn’t given up on my dreams. Acting, writing etc.. that made me happy. It was mine… I should have continued to pursue it. Love you my baby girl😙❤

    Like

  2. Stephanie Suarez August 7, 2017 — 11:14 pm

    Wow. Just wow! I enjoyed reading this. You have to come out with a short story or a novel soon, you are so talented and have a gift for writing.

    Like

  3. Wowwww I love it. I don’t even know what to so good

    Like

  4. Jaidene Chetty July 20, 2017 — 8:45 pm

    This is absolutely beautiful and eye opening.
    Thank you for sharing your work.
    I wish you every success and that you have the strength to carry through your dreams and purpose.
    *Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…..

    Like

  5. Hi Jazz! I really like the story- Leave a teaching. You must value what you have in your moment before everything is late 🙂 – Thank you for sharing the way you write. Please follow my blog and read my story :). Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is amazing!! Please keep posting these!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That was mystically beautiful. Made me shed a tear for I can relate. Don’t give up on writing…I enjoy your blogs. Bravo!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Yvonne Melendez July 7, 2017 — 2:25 pm

    Hi Jazmin, beautiful story and very down to earth…..so true that there are times that one of the two waits and waits and nothing happens but then there àre the special and unexpected moments that you realize that there still is a chance that everything will work out for the best!!! Love u and take good care!!! Dios te bendiga!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Danny Coronado July 7, 2017 — 12:12 pm

    Inspired thanks for that jazz . Never stop writing!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This was really cool! Thank you so much for sharing! 💜

    Like

  11. Hi Jazmin, how are you ?
    I liked this story, it’s really well written. All I could think of after reading it was “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone”. Well, even if the truth is he definitely knew what he had he just thought he’d never lose it, which is sad because nobody should take anything or anyone for granted.
    Anyway, I was wondering have you ever considered publishing a short strory collection or a novel, you know, becoming an author ?

    All the best.
    S.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I honestly loved this it felt like I was in the story you have such a great talent with words I loved it💖😩

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close