It has been a long moment since I’ve written last.
I struggle often with having faith and leaving things in God’s hands or the universe- whatever you believe in. I struggle with having faith in myself, in my relationship, in my career, in my health, in my family’s well being. Dealing with the death of a best friend from a young age, a close friend dying in a freak motorcycle accident, losing numerous family members to cancer, coming from divorced parents where I saw love fail and many other experiences in my life have caused me to be occasionally (always) paralyzed by fear, insecurity, and anxiety. I know that I am not alone here and that many of you will also resonate with the way I feel and that’s why I wanted to talk about what faith looks like when you’re broken. I know that what you feel will be heavy sometimes but it all comes down to mastering emotions and visualizing something that has helped me recently. I went to church a few weeks ago and the pastor explained faith like a chair. There are three kinds of people the ones who dance around the chair and say Nah having faith is too unpredictable, the ones who hover (not actually seated) over the chair but preach that all will be okay and then there are the ones who have lost all options other than having faith that everything will be alright. There is only so much we can control. You can’t control if someone you love dies, if your partner will cheat or leave you, if your friends get into drugs etc. You can do only your BEST, love hard, spread positivity, remind your loved ones to be safe, drive safe, think safe and that’s it… Sometimes I feel like I can control the outcome of everything that matters to me but when I can’t, I immediately live in fear and anxiety day in and day out. After the church session the other day I still coach, love, pray but when I feel unwanted emotions bubbling up I breathe, let myself cry, and let the feeling I am feeling flow through me (whatever I need) and then before I react on those emotions, I imagine myself sitting in the chair of faith. I imagine myself releasing all of that responsibility I put on my own shoulders, I relinquish my fears and set myself free. It’s powerful when you learn to let go and let life be what it should and was always meant to be.
Faith is like a chair. Remember that. Relish in that. Sit down. Breathe. Life will be what it has to be. And that’s something we need to learn to accept.